PNB Chapter 179 The Ruthless and Disabled Crown Prince (83)
Chapter 179 The Ruthless and Disabled Crown Prince (83)
Ji Shumin suddenly looked a little strange and met Lu Liruan's worried gaze.
Lu Liruan was quite puzzled by his reaction, based on her understanding of Ji Shumin...
"You don't already have a way to detoxify, do you?"
The sadness that had just welled up was about to vanish. Lu Liruan looked suspicious. Having spent a lot of time with Ji Shumin, she could detect a trace of guilt in his calm and collected demeanor.
Lu Liruan: ...
Standing up, Lu Liruan leaned on the armrests of her wheelchair, looking down at Ji Shumin, silently conveying: I advise you to tell the truth honestly and not try to beat around the bush.
Ji Shumin placed his hand on the back of Lu Liruan's hand.
Lu Liruan ignored his attempts to please her and pulled her hand away.
Ji Shumin is indeed sometimes at a loss with her.
Lu Liruan is extremely intelligent. She not only understands things quickly but can also apply what she has learned to other situations. Ji Shumin only needs to tell her about most things once, and she can carefully remember them and connect them in her mind.
Furthermore, her intuition is very accurate, which is a rare skill that others cannot learn.
But because the two lived together, Lu Liruan's abilities... were basically used to deal with Ji Shumin.
With a sigh, Ji Shumin nodded. Seeing Lu Liruan's eyes suddenly turn cold, he didn't want to lie to her: "It's not a complete antidote."
"What do you mean?"
Lu Liruan hurriedly pressed for details, as she had no time to care when Ji Shumin had obtained the prescription or why he had watched her live in fear.
She was filled with joy: If there really was a cure, wouldn't Ji Shumin be able to live like a healthy person? Wouldn't he be able to live a peaceful life?
“I don’t know what the antidote formula that Mother Empress has hidden is, but it’s definitely not something that works just by being ingested.” Ji Shumin took Lu Liruan’s hand, pressed her down to sit on the couch, and slowly began to explain to her in detail.
"I didn't mean to hide it from you." Ji Shumin took the lead in stating his position, appearing somewhat helpless. He seemed to have little credibility with Lu Liruan, who had demonstrated firsthand how "once bitten, twice shy," making Ji Shumin seem like... someone who had done something extremely heartless.
Although the Third Prince was not exactly an open and frank person, he felt that Lu Liruan was too distrustful of him.
Once, when Lu Liruan pushed him into the yard to sunbathe, he expressed his thoughts.
Then he saw the girl in front of him, her eyes slightly squinted by the sunlight, smiling brightly. She tilted her head, looking at him with a mix of innocence and slyness: "Of course I believe Your Highness! As long as Your Highness doesn't lie to me for a day, I will believe you for a day!"
Little liar.
After nearly breaking up with Lu Liruan, Ji Shumin dared not deceive Lu Liruan anymore, but he was happy to accept her harmless and easy-to-understand deception.
She lied and said she wasn't worried about his health, but secretly got up in the middle of the night to check Ji Shumin's breathing.
She said she wasn't saddened by Ji Shumin's past. When Ji Shumin woke up in the middle of the night, he was momentarily disoriented and heard sobbing coming from under the covers beside him.
The girl buried her head in the blanket, and Ji Shumin hesitated for a moment, wondering whether he should comfort her or pretend he didn't see anything and let her think he didn't know.
After seeing the quilt tremble, Ji Shumin sighed softly and, afraid of startling her, slowly moved closer, his sobbing instantly ceasing.
Ji Shumin reached out and pulled the person out of the quilt. The thin skin under the eyes of that small face was wet with tears, and the corners of the eyes and the tip of the nose were red. A few strands of messy hair were damp and stuck to the cheeks. It was not neat or pretty at all, but Ji Shumin could not take his eyes off it.
The moment she was pulled out, Lu Liruan flinched as if she wanted to shrink back, but Ji Shumin tightened his arm and pressed half of her body against his chest.
The room was lit by only a dim oil lamp, which flickered in the corner, casting only a faint light. Even when they were very close, they looked at each other as if they were shrouded in a hazy veil.
Therefore, Ji Shumin was able to see more unscrupulously and imprint Lu Liruan's expression in his heart.
Lu Liruan tilted her head to avoid it, but Ji Shumin grabbed her chin and twisted it back.
Ji Shumin never considered himself a good person. He could be indifferent to the suffering of others, but at this moment he still felt that he was too wicked. Seeing Lu Liruan's tears, he felt an uncontrollable excitement in his heart.
The feeling was so intense that his gaze unconsciously became aggressive.
"Don't look at me..." Lu Liruan couldn't break free, and said in a muffled voice, holding her breath.
"I can't pretend I don't know you're crying." Ji Shumin curled the corners of his mouth and teased her in a light tone, but he didn't tell her to stop crying.
Warm tears flowed down his fingertips as he helped wipe them, onto his palm.
Lu Liruan was crying her heart out when she couldn't help but sob, "Couldn't you just keep pretending to be asleep?"
"Heh—" Ji Shumin was amused by her vague words.
"Don't cry." He wasn't really trying to comfort me.
Lu Liruan couldn't help but sniff again.
"Forget it, just cry if you want to, it's pathetic..." To prevent her from seeing his inappropriate expression, Ji Shumin pulled Lu Liruan into his arms and rested her face on his shoulder.
“You’re laughing at me…” Lu Liruan’s sharp ears caught that hint of laughter.
Ji Shumin raised an eyebrow and covered Lu Liruan's ears with his hand: "You won't be able to hear that way."
Lu Liruan choked up. "Are you trying to bury your head in the sand? You're only burying my ears."
Lu Liruan pulled his hand away, and Ji Shumin then placed it on her back, gently patting her back to help her catch her breath, a tenderness quite different from the person he usually was.
"If you feel sorry for me, why are you crying behind my back? Cry in front of me so I can know..." After she calmed down a bit, Ji Shumin hugged her tighter and teased her.
"Why should I let you know?" Lu Liruan asked in a muffled voice.
"Only now do I realize that you care about me and that you care about me..." Ji Shumin murmured.
Lu Liruan buried her face in his shoulder and shook her head: "Why did I deliberately let you know? To put on a show for you?"
Ji Shumin was taken aback, realizing that his words had been somewhat inappropriate: "Li Ruan, that's not what I meant..."
"I know." Lu Liruan wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled closer to him.
Ji Shumin was frail, but Lu Liruan felt very secure next to him.
Strength doesn't necessarily mean having a strong physique and abundant energy; mental support and a stable core can also make a person strong and give others a sense of security.
“I didn’t think about those things. I didn’t think about pitying in front of you to make you feel that I care about you, nor did I deliberately think about crying behind your back to show my strength.”
"It's just that it's late at night and I can't sleep, and I'm feeling sad because I'm thinking about your words." Lu Liruan just felt a little embarrassed that someone had noticed her crying so hard.
But she never thought it was shameful to follow her own thoughts and feelings or to express them spontaneously.
I don't think it's shameful to shed tears for others or to be emotionally affected by them.
What's so shameful about this? These are proof that I still have vibrant joys and sorrows, and abundant love. Tears don't just represent vulnerability.
Ji Shumin carefully considered each word she said. When she finished speaking, Ji Shumin suddenly felt a lump in his throat, a feeling he hadn't experienced in many years, and it felt strangely unfamiliar to him.
After a moment of stunned silence, Ji Shumin slowly exhaled.
“Li Ruan is such a generous person…” he remarked.
"Ok?"
“Most people sweep the snow from their own doorstep and don’t care about the frost on other people’s roofs. Not only did Li Ruan come to help sweep the snow, but she also came in to light a charcoal brazier for me.” Ji Shumin said in a low voice, but Lu Li Ruan did not hear the slight tremor in his voice.
“Actually, I didn’t do anything.” Lu Liruan said earnestly.
"I wasn't there for you when you were at your lowest point, and now you're moved by just a few tears. You don't think I'm being fake; you just so easily believe that I care about you and love you. You're so easy to fool..."
When Lu Liruan learned about Ji Shumin's past, she kept wondering: Was Ji Shumin a person who lacked love?
Because of a lack of love, they cling to this person, whom they initially approached merely to complete a task, as if grasping at a straw.
If it weren't him, but someone else who approached him without ulterior motives, would Ji Shumin treat that person the same way?
Lu Liruan never asked Ji Shumin, and she knew that things that didn't happen were beyond anyone's knowledge.
Fortunately, they are both now willing to stay together forever.
Ji Shumin never imagined that Lu Liruan would have such a question.
If Lu Liruan asked him, he would only feel puzzled: How could it be anyone else? It can only be you.
Ji Shumin only longed for Lu Liruan's love because of her appearance.
As long as it's just for her...
"Li Ruan, don't belittle yourself." Ji Shumin's voice was so gentle it seemed to envelop her: "You're so good, I should believe in you, admire you, and be happy to be looked at and cherished by you."
"My dear Li Ruan, my darling, don't pity me... Do you really have to make me cry too?"
Ji Shumin kissed Lu Liruan's eyes and cheeks repeatedly, his eyes lowered to suppress the heat in them.
The two embraced each other in the deep autumn night, never before had they been so intimate. They were like a pair of mandarin ducks, their feet touching and necks intertwined, living as long as they loved each other, amidst the vast sky and the bitter cold of the world.
As Ji Shumin looked at Lu Liruan's face, all sorts of memories from the past surfaced. He closed his eyes, trying not to reveal any trace of confusion.
"Didn't you say that made me anxious?" The more Lu Liruan felt that Ji Shumin was acting strangely, the more anxious she became, fearing that he might do something unexpected in a way she didn't know about.
"This antidote can neutralize the poison, but we can't guarantee what will happen to the person in the end," Ji Shumin told her anyway.
Lu Liruan was stunned; she hadn't expected this answer.
She understood what Ji Shumin meant: the poison could be cured, but whether a person would live or die during the detoxification process was unknown.
"Why? Is it a problem with the prescription? This prescription is risky. What about the prescription that the Empress didn't give you? Would it be better?" Lu Liruan asked subconsciously.
Compared to Lu Liruan's panic, Ji Shumin's expression was unusually calm.
He pried open Lu Liruan's clenched fist, interlocked his fingers with hers, and shook his head.
“Once we begin the detoxification process, I will have to stop taking the pills I’m currently using,” Ji Shumin explained, pulling her down to sit.
Lu Liruan understood that it wasn't about whether the antidote was strong or mild, but rather related to Ji Shumin's current physical condition.
Although he seemed to be getting better, Lu Liruan knew perfectly well that Ji Shumin's body was extremely fragile, and even the slightest disturbance could cause him to fall ill.
When Lu Liruan went to see the doctor about the pill, she knew how addictive it was and had seen how Ji Shumin would react if he didn't take the medicine on time.
To detoxify, one must give up the pills.
However, Ji Shumin's body might not be able to withstand this process. Perhaps before the poison is cured, his body will collapse and he will be unable to continue.
This is practically an unsolvable problem, because no one can predict what will happen in the future.
If he were to give up the elixirs to detoxify, could Ji Shumin really hold on?
If not... does this mean we have to continue like this?
Both fell into silence.
Lu Liruan never expected to find herself in such a dilemma. The joy she felt a few days ago upon hearing that the poison could be cured vanished in an instant.
“Li Ruan, I originally wanted you to make the choice.” Ji Shumin looked at her quietly and said gently.
"Is it to give up the antidote and gamble on whether I can survive, or to continue to eke out a living, maybe for a few years, a dozen years... or even longer?" Lu Liruan knew that the last part was meant to comfort him.
How could she possibly give him that much time? Lu Liruan felt a tightness in her chest and wanted to scream. She even hated herself for knowing Ji Shumin's fate.
Would it be better to know nothing and just hide like a turtle?
No, it won't.
“But I changed my mind. I can’t let you choose. This burden is too heavy for you to bear. So I’ll choose myself.” Ji Shumin’s tone was tinged with melancholy.
“I pride myself on not being a coward, but even now, I hesitate. I long to spend even a moment longer with you, thinking that if I stay with you a little longer, it will get dark, and if I sleep next to you for another night, it will be dawn again. Time flies when we talk and laugh together. Sometimes I even think that I should wait for you to pity me and cry for me one more time before I make my choice.” He spoke calmly, as if he had thought about it a thousand times in his heart.
"Li Ruan, I didn't tell you because I couldn't choose."
Lu Liruan pursed her lips, feeling too weak to even sigh.
She couldn't even feel the slightest resentment towards Ji Shumin. When he was considering these two options, he put himself first in each one. He wanted to have so much, but at this moment, he only mentioned Lu Liruan.
The two of them barely spoke in the afternoon.
Ji Shuqin came over and was talking to Ji Shumin in the study. Lu Liruan sat alone in the room, trying to calm herself by writing some calligraphy. When she came to her senses, the ink had already soaked through a stack of Xuan paper, but she hadn't written a single word.